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Practical ideas for everyday parenting
It's 2:47 AM. Your toddler is crying in their room, and you're lying there trying to decide what to do. Go in immediately? Wait it out? Bring them to your bed so everyone can sleep? You're exhausted, and you just want to make the right choice without accidentally creating a habit you'll regret later. Here's the truth: you're not alone in this struggle, and there are practical ways to respond that meet your child's needs without setting patterns that become harder to break.
It's 2:47 AM. Your toddler is crying in their room, and you're lying there trying to decide what to do. Go in immediately? Wait it out? Bring them to your bed so everyone can sleep? You're exhausted, and you just want to make the right choice without accidentally creating a habit you'll regret later. Here's the truth: you're not alone in this struggle, and there are practical ways to respond that meet your child's needs without setting patterns that become harder to break.
Night wakings in toddlerhood aren't necessarily a sign that something's wrong. At this age, your child's brain is processing enormous developmental leaps during sleep. They're learning language, motor skills, emotional regulation, and independence all at once. Sometimes they wake because they're practising these new skills in their sleep. Other times, they're testing boundaries (yes, even at 3 AM) or seeking the comfort and connection they found so easily during the day. Their growing awareness that they're separate from you can actually make nighttime feel scary or uncertain. Understanding this helps remove the guilt. Your toddler isn't waking to manipulate you or because you've failed as a parent. They're waking because their developing brain is doing exactly what it should be doing.
When you hear that cry at night, take a breath before you respond. Your calm, consistent approach becomes your child's anchor. They learn what to expect, which actually reduces their anxiety around sleep. If you respond differently each night (sometimes immediately picking them up, sometimes waiting, sometimes bringing them to your bed), they stay uncertain and may wake more often just to check what will happen. Choose an approach that feels manageable for your family, then stick with it for at least a week before deciding if it's working.
Here's a strategy that works for many families: begin with the least amount of help your child needs. When they wake, pause for 30-60 seconds to see if they settle on their own. If not, try a brief check-in from the doorway first. Sometimes your voice saying "It's still sleep time, I'm right here" is enough reassurance. If they need more, move closer and offer a gentle touch on their back, but avoid picking them up as your first response. You can always increase support if needed, but starting small teaches them they have some capacity to settle themselves. This builds confidence over time.
This is crucial: nighttime isn't social time. When you respond to your toddler's waking, use a quiet, calm voice. Minimal eye contact (they shouldn't see your face light up with concern or engagement). If they want to talk about their day, listen briefly and acknowledge what they say, but don't turn it into a conversation. Avoid discussing tomorrow's plans entirely - thinking about what's coming can create stress that makes falling back asleep harder. Save story time for before lights out, not for middle-of-the-night wake-ups.
You're communicating through your entire demeanour that nighttime is for sleeping, not for the fun, engaging interactions they get during the day. Think of yourself as a sleep guard rather than a playmate. Handle what needs handling, then return things to sleep mode.
Don't flip on the overhead light or turn their room into daytime. If you need light to navigate safely, use a dim nightlight or the light from the hallway or the torch on your phone. Keep your voice low and movements slow and calm. The environment itself should reinforce the message: it's still nighttime, still time for sleeping. If they need a comfort item, hand it to them without fanfare. If they need water, keep a sippy cup nearby so you can offer it quickly without needing to leave the room and create a whole production.
Please, don’t forget the obvious… check for legitimate comfort needs. Is their nappy wet? Are they thirsty? Do they need to use the potty? Is their blanket tangled or their teddy lost under the bed? Handle these needs, but handle them with minimal fuss. You're aiming for efficient problem-solving, not an extended comfort routine. The tricky part is distinguishing between genuine needs and learned expectations. If you find yourself doing an elaborate three-song, back-rub, story-and-water routine every night at 2 AM, you've likely moved from meeting needs to reinforcing a pattern.
This is often the hardest strategy to maintain, especially at 3 AM when you're desperate for sleep. Bringing your toddler into your bed might solve the immediate problem (everyone sleeps now), but if co-sleeping isn't your long-term family plan, you're creating a pattern that becomes increasingly difficult to change. Your exhausted 3 AM self is making a decision that your 7 AM self will have to live with tomorrow and next week and next month. If you've decided that everyone sleeping in their own space is your family's goal, hold that boundary even when it's hard. The consistency pays off, I promise.
Sometimes night wakings increase during developmental leaps, illness, teething, or big life changes (new sibling, house move, starting nursery). During these phases, it's okay to be slightly more responsive than usual. Your child genuinely needs extra reassurance right now. The key is maintaining your basic approach while adding a bit more comfort, then gradually returning to your standard response once the regression passes. This usually takes 1-2 weeks. If you completely abandon your approach during regressions, you'll need to re-teach the skills afterwards, which is harder for everyone.
If your toddler suddenly starts waking multiple times per night after previously sleeping well, investigate potential triggers. Is their room too hot or too cold? Are they overtired from dropped naps or too much screen time before bed? Could they be teething or coming down with something? Sometimes addressing the root cause (adjusting room temperature, moving bedtime earlier, adding a comfort item) resolves the wakings naturally without needing to change your response strategy at all.
The biggest pitfall? Inconsistency driven by exhaustion. You start with a plan to give minimal intervention, but by the third waking, you're so tired that you just bring them to your bed. Your child learns that persistence pays off, so they persist longer next time. Another common struggle is creating elaborate comfort routines that become expected. That sweet lullaby you sang once becomes a non-negotiable 15-minute concert every night. Or you fall into the trap of making each wake-up engaging because you feel guilty (maybe they really need you?), but this accidentally teaches them that nighttime is when they get your undivided, if exhausted, attention.
Choose one strategy from this article that feels most doable for your family right now. If your toddler wakes tonight, commit to trying that one approach consistently. Maybe it's keeping interactions brief and boring. Maybe it's starting with minimal intervention before increasing support. Don't try to implement everything at once. Pick one thing, do it consistently for a week, and see what changes. Small, consistent steps create bigger changes than dramatic overhauls that you can't sustain.
Night wakings are exhausting and frustrating, but they're also an opportunity. You're teaching your child skills they'll use for life: the ability to manage discomfort, to settle themselves, to trust that you're nearby even when they can't see you. This won't be perfect. Some nights will be harder than others. But your consistent, calm approach is working even on the nights when it doesn't feel like it. You're doing better than you think you are, and every night of practice moves your whole family closer to more restful sleep.
