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Practical ideas for everyday parenting
Your 18-month-old just bit another child at playgroup, and you can feel every parent's eyes on you. Or maybe it happened at home, your toddler sinking their teeth into your arm during a moment of frustration. Your face is hot, you're mortified, and you're wondering what you did wrong to end up with a child who bites. Here's what you need to know: this isn't about your parenting, and your toddler isn't being deliberately aggressive or mean.
Your 18-month-old just bit another child at playgroup, and you can feel every parent's eyes on you. Or maybe it happened at home, your toddler sinking their teeth into your arm during a moment of frustration. Your face is hot, you're mortified, and you're wondering what you did wrong to end up with a child who bites. Here's what you need to know: this isn't about your parenting, and your toddler isn't being deliberately aggressive or mean.
Between 12 and 36 months, most toddlers go through a biting phase. This is one of those behaviours that feels intensely personal and embarrassing, but it's actually a completely normal part of early childhood development.
At this age, your toddler's brain is still building the neural pathways for impulse control. The part of their brain that says "stop, think, choose a better option" simply isn't developed yet. They feel something intensely, and their body reacts before any thinking can happen. When you understand that biting is a developmental stage rather than a character flaw, it changes how you respond.
Think of biting as your toddler's emergency communication system. They don't have the words yet to express what they're feeling or what they need, so they use their body instead. Here's what biting often means in toddler language:
"I want that toy" - They see something they want, and grabbing or biting feels like the fastest way to get it. They haven't learned negotiation or turn-taking yet.
"I'm completely overwhelmed" - Too much noise, too many people, too much sensory input, and their system overloads. Biting becomes an outlet for feelings they can't process or express.
"Pay attention to me" - You've been on that phone call for what feels like forever to your toddler. They need you now, and biting gets immediate attention.
"I don't like this" - Maybe someone took their toy, invaded their space, or they're being asked to do something they don't want to do. Without the language to say "no" or "stop," biting becomes their protest.
The frustrating truth is that your toddler can't tell you which of these it is in the moment. But when you start watching for patterns around when biting happens, you'll begin to decode their specific triggers.
For younger toddlers especially, biting isn't always about communication or emotion. It's exploration. From birth, babies learn about their world through their mouths. That instinct doesn't disappear overnight just because they're walking now.
Your toddler is genuinely curious about how things feel, what reactions happen when they bite, and what cause-and-effect looks like. When they bite you and you yelp, they're learning that their actions have effects. When they bite a toy, they're learning about textures and resistance. It's not malicious, it's scientific investigation with terrible timing.
This exploratory biting typically peaks around 12-18 months and gradually decreases as they develop other ways to explore and interact with their environment.
Here's something that catches most parents off guard: to your toddler, any attention is better than no attention. When they bite and suddenly everyone is looking at them, talking to them, reacting to them, that registers as connection.
The big emotional reaction biting gets from parents and other children actually reinforces the behaviour. Your toddler's brain notes: "When I did that thing with my teeth, everyone paid attention to me immediately." They don't understand that it's negative attention. They just know it worked to get your focus.
This doesn't mean you ignore biting, but it does mean your response needs to be calm and matter-of-fact rather than shocked and emotionally charged.
Sometimes biting has nothing to do with emotions or communication. Your toddler is simply uncomfortable, and their mouth becomes the outlet for that discomfort. Consider these physical triggers:
Teething pain - Those molars coming through are genuinely painful. Biting down provides counter-pressure that temporarily relieves the pain.
Hunger - A hungry toddler is an impulsive toddler. Their blood sugar drops, their patience evaporates, and biting becomes more likely.
Tiredness - When your toddler is overtired, their already limited impulse control disappears completely. The filter between feeling and action vanishes.
Overstimulation - Too much sensory input and your toddler's system goes into overload. Biting becomes a release valve for feelings they can't regulate yet.
If you notice biting happens more frequently at certain times of day or in certain situations, these physical needs might be the missing piece of the puzzle.
Most parents respond to biting with strategies that make complete sense logically but don't actually address the developmental reality of what's happening. Here's where parents often get stuck:
Expecting immediate understanding - Explaining why biting is wrong to your 15-month-old and expecting them to simply stop doesn't work because they don't yet have the cognitive development to connect your words with their impulses in future situations.
Using punishment or time-outs - Your toddler can't make the connection between the punishment and the behaviour they need to change. They just feel confused and distressed.
Biting back to "show them how it feels" - This teaches that bigger people can hurt smaller people when angry, which is the opposite of what you want them to learn.
Only addressing it after it happens - If you're only reacting after biting occurs, you're missing the chance to prevent it by addressing the underlying needs and triggers.
The reason these don't work is that they all assume your toddler has more impulse control and understanding than their developing brain can manage yet.
You don't need a complex strategy to start making progress. Here's what you can do in preparation for when the next biting event happens:
Watch for the wind-up - Biting rarely happens without warning. Your toddler gets tense, moves closer to the target, maybe makes intense eye contact. Start noticing these signs and gently intervene before teeth meet skin.
Name the feeling - When you see frustration or excitement building, give it a name: "You're feeling really frustrated right now." You're building their emotional vocabulary even if they can't use it yet.
Offer an alternative - Keep a teething toy in your pocket. When you see them getting wound up, offer something appropriate to bite. "Teeth are for chewing. Here's something you can bite."
Stay calm when it happens - Take a breath. Use a flat, boring tone: "Biting hurts. I'm putting you down." Then attend to the person who was bitten. Save the lengthy explanations for when they're calmer and can actually process them.
These small shifts set the foundation for your toddler to gradually learn better ways to express themselves and cope with big feelings.
Your toddler isn't going to stop biting after one conversation or one redirection. What you're really doing is teaching them skills that their brain is still developing the capacity to use consistently. You're giving them language for feelings they're just beginning to understand. You're showing them alternatives to a behaviour that currently feels automatic to them.
This is genuinely hard, especially when it's your child doing the biting and you feel judged by other parents. But biting is one of those behaviours that looks much worse than it actually is developmentally. With consistent, calm guidance that addresses their real needs rather than just the behaviour, most toddlers move past this phase within a few months.
You're doing better than you think, even on the days when it doesn't feel that way.
